I couldn't smile
by I-H3ART-1D
Summary: I couldn't smile as I always had done when we arrived. I couldn't smile because I knew what was waiting on the other side of the doors. I knew who was waiting. And no one could smile when they had that knowledge. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! :'
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not the greatest writer as you'll see. Hopefully it'll be okay...**

The castle greeted us as the carriages pulled themselves up the long winding path. I couldn't smile as I always had done when we arrived. I couldn't smile because I knew what was waiting on the other side of the doors. I knew who was waiting. And no one could smile when they had that knowledge.

Xxxxx

"Madison, you have to go back. There's nothing for you here anymore."

"There's nothing for me in that place either! There's nothing there at all!"

"Madison we have no choice. Please don't make this harder than it is. I don't want you to get hurt."

"You think I'm going to be safe at Hogwarts? You heard them. You know who he's got working with Snape. He doesn't want the students to be safe. He wants us to be scared mum. Don't you get it? It's the perfect reason not to go back."

"You'll be safer there then you will be at home. Within five minutes he'll ship you off with the other students. He's forcing them to return. Blaise and Draco have been given a choice. Yours isn't exactly a choice either is it? You have to go!"

I'd lost the argument and I knew it. Whether I chose to stay or go wouldn't matter. I would be walking through the front doors on the first of September without a doubt. That was the next day, tomorrow.

Mum left the room and closed the door behind her. My empty trunk lay at the foot of my bed and I begrudgingly started to pack. My clothes were just piled in, I didn't even look at what I was packing, my books were flung in without care and everything else was only a second thought as I closed the trunk.

Tomorrow I would be on the train with my friends cruising through the English countryside but I wouldn't enjoy it. I couldn't.

Xxxxx

The morning arrived and I reluctantly crawled out of bed. I pulled on the clothes I had laid out the night before, black tights, denim shorts and a black vest top, and called Dizzy, our house elf for breakfast. She brought in a tray full of food but I nibbled and ate hardly anything.

"Madison, are you dressed? Draco and Blaise will be arriving shortly." Mum called from her room across the landing.

"Yes I am and I've eaten. What about Pansy? She said she was coming with Draco."

"Change of plan. Didn't she tell you? She's going in with Alecto and Amycus."

"She's going in with them? Why couldn't I? They are my aunt and uncle not Pansy's!"

Mum didn't reply. I waited but the next sound to come was a faint pop from behind me.

"Miss Madison, Master Draco and Master Blaise have arrived. They are in the entrance hall waiting for you." Dizzy informed me.

"Thank you Dizzy, you are no longer needed this morning. Take my bags downstairs then get yourself some breakfast." Dizzy nodded and then disappeared taking my trunk and bags with her.

I took once last glance around the room, slipped my feet into my converse and pulled on my zip up hoodie. Making my way to the living room to greet my friends, I thought about the upcoming year, about Harry and where he might be, about Voldemort and his rise to power. I worried about the fate of the people I know and those I love.

The walk downstairs felt incredibly long. I reached the living room and was immediately jumped by Blaise.

"Madison! It feels like forever since I've seen you. Where have you been? Oh yes, hiding at home!" he laughed and hugged me till I thought I would stop breathing.

"Alright my turn, mate" I heard Draco mock. Blaise let go of me and stepped out of the way. Draco was stood in the middle of the room and I hurled myself at him. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I pressed my lips to his. When we broke apart I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled.

"I've missed you." I whispered loud enough for only Draco to hear. I felt his lips smile against the top of my head.

On the wall the clock sounded. I pulled away from Draco slightly and twisted myself to look at the time. 10:30. I sighed and moved out of Draco's grip. Mum entered the room followed by dad. I embraced them and said my goodbye.

"Be careful darling and I'll see you at Christmas." Mum was the last thing I heard as I took Draco and Blaise's hands then we apparated to Kings Cross.

The familiar smell of smoke greeted us as well as the usual hustle of parents rushing their children towards the train. This time however there were more tears, and the fear was as obvious as Hagrid at Gringotts. Parents were holding onto their children as long as they could. Students were pleading with their parents to take them home. The news about Snape becoming headmaster was all that they had been told and there was already this fear. Letters would be arriving home on the first night when they discover the two new staff members that are awaiting them.

I climbed aboard the train and we found our usual compartment to be occupied by a small group of Gryffindors. Among them were Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom. They looked at us stood in the doorway and smirked.

"Sorry did you want something?" Ginny sneered.

"Well you're in our compartment so it's obviously the other way around." I replied just as spitefully.

"Does it have your name on it?" she replied. This is where it became my turn to smirk.

"Actually yes it does." I pushed my way over to the corner where I found, scratched into the wood, my name. I pointed at it and turned to see Ginny looking at me in disbelief. Without saying another word, she got up and beckoned to the others to follow her.

Triumphantly, we took our seats in the compartment. I snuggled into Draco and rested my head on his chest as he talked to the others. I fell asleep for the majority of the journey and woke with my head in Draco's lap.

"Hello sleepy head." He laughed as he kissed my forehead. I sat up slowly and looked out the window. The clouds had turned dark and felt like they were closing in on the already gloomy train.

I checked my watch and decided I should change into my robes. I went down to the toilets to change. I pulled on my uniform, white blouse, black skirt, green Slytherin tie and black and green Slytherin robes. I was constantly in trouble about my uniform over the years. My tie was too fat and too short, my skirt was too short, my heels too high etc. This year was no different. I had a pair of cute, black, suede heels on and a tight, black short skirt. I smirked and shook my hair out of the plait so that it fell in loose curls down my back. Then I went back to the compartment where the others were all changed.

For the rest of the journey we sat in mostly silence, occasionally someone would start a conversation but it wouldn't last long and then it was back to the quiet.

When the train pulled into Hogsmeade station the rain was threatening to fall. We quickly ran to the carriages and forced our way to the front and onto and empty carriage. I took a glance at the Thestrals I could see pulling the carriage. I wish I couldn't see them. But I can't change that now. Soon the carriages started to move up the road to the castle.

The castle greeted us as the carriages pulled themselves up the long winding path. I couldn't smile as I always had done when we arrived. I couldn't smile because I knew what was waiting on the other side of the doors. I knew who was waiting. And no one could smile when they had that knowledge.

I took a deep breath before walking into the warmth of the entrance hall and even warmer Great hall. At the head of the teachers table sat Snape. He wore an even more grumpy expression than usual.

When the hall was full, the doors opened again and the first years filed in led by none other than Amycus and Alecto, my death-eater relatives. As they passed me they nodded slightly then continued down to the stool.

As each student was sorted into their house, they were met only by a quiet applause except for Slytherin's who cheered without fear of being silenced. Each Slytherin to be sorted made a large smirk appear on the faces of Amycus, Alecto and, just, Snape.

The feast was just as incredible as ever but the conversation was more like a dull humming rather than full loud conversation. The absence of the Golden Trio was noticeable on the Gryffindor table. The youngest Weasley looked lost and troubled as she sat with Longbottom eating slowly.

Draco would stop every now and then and ask me if I was okay. I nodded and he turned back to Pansy to continue their conversation. I barely touched my food and felt distant from everyone in the hall. When Snape announced that it was time to go to the dormitories, it felt like a blessing until,

"Seventh year Slytherins stay behind please." Alecto called.

I sat back down and sighed. Draco put his arm around me and rubbed his thumb along my arm.

"Welcome back. As you can see there is a slight difference this year," Amycus started.

"I'll say," I mumbled.

"Madison! Watch it. We may be related but I expect respect from you missy. Anyway as I was saying, we would like to start up the inquisitorial squad again and want you to all be a part of it. You get all the privileges of prefects. Well?"

The others all quickly agreed and then turned to me. "Well it's not like a have a choice is it, Uncle?" I emphasised the last word and smirked.

"Well you're definitely a Carrow and you're right, you don't have a choice." They dismissed us and we went down to the dungeons together. I went straight to my bed and collapsed onto it. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. I quickly changed into a pair of shorts and strappy top before I went down to say goodnight to Draco.

I got to the bottom of the stairs and it was deserted in the common room apart from two people sitting very close on the couch by the fire. I recognised the both straight away. Draco and Pansy.

"No Pansy. I'm going up now. I shouldn't have to remind you I have a girlfriend. Your best friend! Doesn't that matter to you?" He stood up and turned to the stairs where he saw me standing listening with hurt and confusion etched on my face. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. I held onto him and pressed my lips to his.

"Goodnight baby." I said and then ran up the stairs to my bed where I pulled the drapes shut and crawled under the covers.

Maybe I misinterpreted that scene. I hope I did.

**Well there's the first chapter. Hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think. **

**Thanks :)  
>I-H3ART-1D<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

I woke to the sound of Rakan pecking on the glass. He had a letter attached to his foot and I hurried to let him in. I took the letter and opened it. Before I read any of it I glanced to the bottom of the parchment where it was signed, _Love Adrian_. Smiling, I looked back to the top of the parchment and began to read.

_Madi,_

_First, I miss you. You are my partner in all things mischievous and outlawed. :) How are you? Really? I wish I could've come by during the summer before you had to go back. But Isla said I couldn't. Don't blame her, mind.  
>How'd the news about the Carrows go down? With you? I don't care about the rest of the school, just care about my Madison ;)<br>Draco still there after everything? Personally I think you deserve better but that's my thoughts. Blaise being an arse? Pansy a slag? Sorry I know they're your friends. But Pansy? Come on Madi, I don't even know her, yet I know her! You get me?  
>Why don't you just leave that place? I could sort things for you. You don't need anything that Hogwarts has left or those people you call friends. You just say it and I'm there to take you away.<br>Anyway on a happier note, when's your first Hogsmeade visit? I'll be there, I promise. Can't wait to see you again._

_Love Adrian  
>Xoxo<em>

I checked the time. Drat! I didn't have enough time to write a reply to Adrian. I quickly showered and got dressed into my uniform. I dried my hair and straitened it then did my makeup. I grabbed my school bag and stuffed adrian's letter into the front pocket in case I had a free period today.

Draco was waiting for me in the common room. Went I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw him with Goyle. He was leaning against the back of one of the arm chairs with his arms folded. He had his trademark smirk on his face that still made me melt every time I saw it. I stopped and just watched him for a few moments before I made my presence known. He turned and smiled at me and kissed my cheek as he took my hand.

The three of us went up to breakfast where the majority of the school was already eating. We sat opposite Blaise who was sat with Pansy. She smiled sheepishly at me and then went back to eating her breakfast in silence.

Alecto came down with the timetables and checked everyone was up to scratch appearance wise. She got to me and placed the timetable in front of me. It was relatively ok, there was at least a good amount of frees. She coughed to get my attention and I turned around and raised my eyebrows.

"Yes aunty?" I asked as innocently as I could with a hint of sarcasm still lingering in my speech. She motioned to my uniform and tutted.

"Are you trying to make a mockery of us?"

"Nope. Whatever makes you think that?" I smirked as her anger grew.

"That uniform is unacceptable. Skirt is too short, sort your tie out and those shoes are ridiculous."

"Well I'm sorry Alecto but I like the way I am dressed and these shoes are so not ridiculous. These are designer! Do you know how much these babies cost? They're suede too!"

Alecto looked at me in disbelief and then huffed in defeat.

"M, one of these days you're going to get yourself in trouble! You know who she has to report to," Draco said glancing at the empty headmaster's chair, "and who he then reports to. Be careful, please, for me."

I scoffed but began to eat my breakfast to save an argument. From the corner of my eye I noticed Pansy kept glancing at Draco. In my head I was glaring. Hell, I was ready to kill.

The warning bell went and Draco, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle stood to leave for lesson. Blaise and I had a free first so said goodbye to the four of them. Draco kissed me quickly before following after the small group.

When they had gone, I pulled out the letter from Adrian. I was just about to start my reply when I heard an obviously intentional cough from Blaise, next to me. I turned my head slowly, in a dramatic, over the top way and raised my eyebrows.

"Is that Adrian you're replying to?"

"Don't even think about lecturing me Blaise. He's just a friend!" Blaise clearly didn't believe me and I groaned loudly, "Blaise why don't you get it? He's always been a friend and always will be a friend!"

"Are you not remembering what happened last year? It's a perfectly good reason not to believe you Madi!"

"You promised me you wouldn't mention that again. It's in the past. Draco already hates Adrian, don't make it worse."

"You nearly slept with your boyfriend's least favourite person besides Potter, and you want me to not bring it up again."

"I did not nearly sleep with him."

"You did and if Draco found out he would be so broken."

"That's why he won't find out, isn't it?"

"I have to tell him. Especially since you still talk to Adrian."

He got up and took his bags with him. I grabbed my things and followed after him, trying desperately to catch up. He was heading outside. I grabbed his arm and pleaded with him.

"Fine, I'll keep your secret, for now. Don't do anything that would make me even hesitate in my trust for you. He's my best friend Madi so he's my priority."

I thanked him then went up to the library to write my reply to Adrian. The tables were mainly full, why I don't know, we've only just got back, but I went to a small empty one at the back and pulled out some ink, parchment and Adrian's letter.

_Adrian,_

_I'm fine, I promise. I missed you this summer but mum told me she'd said not to come. I did blame her. I refused to speak to her for a few days; so that guidance came slightly too late. You could've wrote though, mum said she told you that would be better.  
>I'm fuming about them being here. They are already expecting me to be the example under their power. Tough :) I've already openly defied them and it's only our first proper day back.<br>Of course Draco is still here and he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Blaise has his moments but no he's not an arse! Pansy is... well it's Pansy. You were right about her. But only her.  
>I can't just leave. It would be bad for mum. And no offence, but you would be no help whatsoever. :P and Hogwarts still has some things that I need. Namely Draco and okay maybe Blaise. I'm not leaving them to run off and take the easy route with you.<br>Hogsmeade is this Saturday. You don't need to come. In fact don't. Let me settle and get used to _them _being here first. Please. _

_Anyway, I have Potions now so will go.  
>Love Molly<br>Xoxo_

I folded the parchment and tucked it into my pocket. On my way to the dungeons I called Rakan and tied the letter to his foot. He flew off and I continued down to where the group was waiting for me.

Draco pulled me into him and kissed the top of my head. He smirked and continued to mock Longbottom who was stood in front of us looking somewhat different this year. For starters he wasn't cowering away from Draco, Crabbe or Goyle. He held his head higher. He had changed. I secretly told myself that there was something rather likeable about this new, improved Longbottom. Then I mentally kicked myself.

Blaise was watching me. I could see he was just holding back telling Draco because he promised me. Otherwise it's certain Draco would know. And I can't have that. I'll tell Blaise that I told Adrian not to come. He'll see we're just friends.

Professor Slughorn opened the door and ushered us in. We took the same seats as last year and pulled out our text books.

The lesson dragged on and I took in barely five words of what Slughorn was saying about our N.E.W.T.S. I had more pressing matters on the mind. I could see Blaise watching me cautiously and from the other side of Draco I could see Pansy staring longingly and brushing his arm and hand every now and then.

As soon as Slughorn dismissed the class, we were gone. We were walking to lunch when I heard the familiar cry of Rakan. Puzzled I took the small bit of parchment from his ankle and let him on his way again.

I waited till we were sat down to read the note. I recognised the writing immediately. Adrian. How did he reply so fast? Cautiously, so Draco couldn't see, I opened the letter.

_Madi,  
>Meet me under our tree ;) at 11 on Saturday. You can tell me then why you really don't want me to come. Like I said, I've missed you. In more way than one ;)<br>Love Adrian  
>Xoxo<em>

I quickly went to stuff the note in my pocket but Blaise caught my hand and took it. He read the note and glared at me.

"I thought I was clear earlier," he whispered. "You are to stay away from Adrian."

"I told him not to come. I did listen," I replied just as quietly.

Blaise scoffed and went back to his lunch. I could feel the guilt sitting in my stomach as I decided I would go and meet Adrian on Saturday. Now I just had to wait for Saturday.


End file.
